When I still called him “my rat-bastard-cheating-whore-ex” I wrote the following words on a post it and stuck it on my chest over my heart. It was like a nicotine patch for quitting hate.
‘May you be peaceful, may you be happy, may you be safe, may you awaken to the light of your true nature, may you be free.’ This is what I repeated silently as I thought of him. I did this wondering if ‘you’ meant him or me. I eventually realized that the answer to that question was ‘yes.’
It is the antidote to the poison that comes from believing you have an enemy. It also helps you realize that, no matter how problematic someone else is, were we-all completely well, we would be a joy to be around. It helps you widen the sliver of space between our behavior and our true nature.
As far as what you say out loud? You say as little as possible. If conversation is inevitable, you listen.