November 26, 2016

Check this out...

Only one third of abused children go on to become abusers.  Revealingly, the majority of that group deny they had been abused when they were kids. In one study, 75% of adult male abusers described events like being beaten black and blue and thrown...

November 24, 2016

First a Story: 

When I was in third grade our teacher gave us a weekend assignment: Come back on Monday with as many ways to use a toothbrush as you can.  The kid with the most different, original ways will get a prize.

I tried really hard.  I thought of all the things...

November 24, 2016

In this world, worthy things don't come easy. Candy is sweeter than carrots and selfishness seems like a more direct path to happiness than service. Without instruction and encouragement it can take lifetimes to learn how empty candy and selfishness can be.

So the first...

November 23, 2016

Question:  Some think one should suffer to develop compassion for others, but isn't it better to learn to avoid pain through wisdom and foresight?

Answer:  Oh absolutely!  There's plenty of suffering to go around - no need to artificially manufacture any.  But suffering...

November 22, 2016

When I still called him “my rat-bastard-cheating-whore-ex” I wrote the following words on a post it and stuck it on my chest over my heart. It was like a nicotine patch for quitting hate.

‘May you be peaceful, may you be happy, may you be safe, may you awaken to the lig...

November 22, 2016

The reason for life is ineffable, but here's a story I like:

Life exists to experience limitation.

Let's say you are an omniscient god. There is an inherent contradiction in this. If you are omniscient you can't know surprise. If you can't know surprise, you aren't omni...

November 21, 2016

There are two spiritual games I play, rackets as Alan Watts might say, as meaningless and diverting as solitaire on my phone.  One is spiritual bypass, and the other is spiritual materialism.  They are related.  

Spiritual bypass is the hope that I can...

November 20, 2016

There are two ways to respond to suffering - one is to focus on the event, the other is to focus on the present-moment distress. Pity is part of cluster of event-focused responses, while compassion becomes possible when we resonate with the level of distress.

Event-Focu...

November 18, 2016

As a person who has to deliver some hard facts at work, I have thought a lot about how to deliver unpleasant news.  If my "honesty" is making someone angry, there's a 90% chance I'm speaking about conclusions or judgements and not actual facts.

For example, if I tell yo...

November 17, 2016

First, I'm so sorry about the loss of your dog.  As you go through this, there are probably some good opportunities to parent. Three rules of thumb:

1) Emotional training is as important as cognitive training. The loss of a loved one is an opportunity to discuss and v...

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